Cold-hearted

My mother describes me as stoic. My ex called me cold-hearted (and some other things).
I know that I have a pretty unemotional front and when I do get emotional people really take notice.
From my perspective two things are in play here.

First, I just don't emote much. It doesn't mean I don't have emotions and feel indifferent, it's just that there's often a disconnect between what I'm feeling at the moment and a physical expression. Not all expressions seem to be automatic for people with Asperger's, sometimes it has to be a conscious action. I guess I'm kind of like Droopy Dog. Maybe I ought to say "I'm happy" even when my face doesn't show it. I wonder how many people will believe me if I don't actually have a happy expression though.

Second, sometimes the emotions come later. Especially when it's an emotional and/or sensory overload. I may not be able to feel the appropriate emotion(s) in the moment it's happening. It might not come until later, after I've processed the "input". I often consciously think to myself in that moment that I'm not feeling what I should and have learned to tell myself that doesn't mean I won't feel it later and that it's still valid when I do feel something later. In a situation that would justifiably cause anger, a normal person would immediately launch into an argument or such, I would likely have no reaction when the offense took place but would be mad later after I had time to process the occurrence. So, I have to actually just let it go and move on or go back to the person later to express my anger.  Yes, it can help with being prudent and not flying off the handle but it also leads to poor communication. If there's a reoccurring issue that concerns me I often don't communicate my irritation, anger, etc. until it really annoys me and makes the effort of revisiting a subject necessary. I usually just let things slide because it's often not worth bringing something up later whereas it would have been more appropriate to express myself "quicker" at the time of the offense.

Unfortunately, positive interactions are often like this as well and I may not experience feelings of love or happiness until after the event has passed. I think that's more upsetting to me than not being able to react in a timely manner to negative events. Regardless, both cause issues in regard to interacting with others, which is my biggest heartbreak. I am always, always, always misunderstood in EVERY relationship I've ever had. Even my most humblest efforts to be gracious to others have left me misinterpreted and maligned because Neurotypical people misunderstood my Aspie attempts to connect with them. I wish it was all fun and laughs like the misunderstandings between Sheldon and the others on The Big Bang Theory but in real life it's brought me to tears many times.